


Deep Ocean

by Vanilla_Raindrops



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Confinement, Drowning, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Headcanon, Ocean, Physical Abuse, Sad Ending, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 22:16:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19710553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanilla_Raindrops/pseuds/Vanilla_Raindrops
Summary: Another look at what happened in Malachite's head, from Jasper's perspective





	Deep Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: THIS CONTAINS SWEARING, EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE, AND PERHAPS A TWISTED VIEW OF A CHARACTER YOU MAY LIKE.
> 
> If you think Lapis is an angel who did nothing wrong, or if you think Jasper is a horrible monster who deserves to suffer, don't read this, I don't want to make anyone mad with this fanfic.

Jasper woke up and gasped, her eyes opening in a flash as she started to frantically look around where she was.

How long had it been since she'd been trapped here? Days? Months? Years?

Everything was hazy right now, the numbness of sleep still trying to wear off her mind. She could only feel how heavy and cold everything was around her. Where was she again?

She thought for a moment.

_ The ocean. _

It was so dark in here… and so quiet. The only noise that could be heard were the practically imperceptible noises coming from the movements of her arms, flapping around in the water. 

Jasper couldn't remember why, but she felt safe here. Safe from what? She wasn't so sure anymore. But she had a sneaking suspicion it was because of something outside. Oddly enough, her body was also hurting, and trembling softly. Why's that? She didn't remember as well.

Suddenly, Jasper felt like she was pulled up, closed her eyes, and as soon as she couldn't feel the water around her face, she gasped for air and opened them again. She looked around, a bit puzzled. 

More… water? Or some type of room made of water. 

It seemed infinite, yet there was water all around, like some sort of dome around this large space of fluids.

The gem stopped moving after her arms came out of the water. Was she stuck? She couldn't put herself up, she realized as she pushed her hands against the water "floor" to try to get out of that hole.

The quartz soldier winced and placed a hand on her cheek. It was a real wound? That was odd. If she was hurt, wouldn't she have poofed?

It also seemed like her back and limbs hurt. They were sore, as if she had exhausted them somehow.

Jasper was confused, and getting a bit worried as well. 

Wet and quiet footsteps were heard coming in Jasper's direction, and she looked up. Her eyes widened, her memories coming back slowly, the haziness and confusion from her slumber disappearing as soon as she saw the gem standing in front of her.

_ Lapis Lazuli. That was her, wasn't it? They… fused, about a month or so ago, to form Malachite. _

_ Or rather.. _

  
  
  


_ Lapis tricked her into fusing. _

_ And trapped her at the bottom of the ocean, to torture her for Pink Diamond knows why. _

Fear and anger started growing inside of the soldier's heart and she tried to pull herself up once again. The clanking of chains was heard as her movements stopped. Jasper looked down and grunted. Of course, she was restrained.

Lapis crouched down to her height, scoffing. "Pathetic. Look at where you are now,  _ soldier."  _

Jasper moved around, trying to get away from the other gem. Lapis cackled, a sinister smile growing on her delicate face. "Ha! What the fuck are you doing? You can't escape, you're restrained! What are you, stupid?" She laughed, mocking the quartz's movements "Do you not remember anything you fucking retard??"

Jasper growled. "I've escaped worse than you, you cunt!"

Lapis giggled and grabbed Jasper by the hair, pulling her up, and Jasper groaned in pain, trying to move her arms up to remove Lapis' hands from her, the chains only restraining her more and making it impossible to do so. "Awww, that's not very nice to say to a proper fine lady like me, isn't it Jasper?~" 

She grabbed the Quartz's mane tighter and pulled on it, making Jasper take off from the ground. Lapis launched her into the air in an arc, the chains getting longer, then shorter again as Jasper fell down, then dragging her back to where she came from. Lapis laughed. "Awww, did that hurt? I'm  _ sooooo _ sorryyyyy, I didn't mean toooo!" Lapis said in a sarcastic tone 

Jasper stood up weakly, then looked up and Lapis, spitting on her face. Lapis grunted, her smile becoming a frown as she wiped away the spit from her eye.

"Fuck you." Jasper snarled, trying to move away from where Lapis was standing, in vain.

Water suddenly emerged from the ground and twisted around her neck, her knees and back bending, pulling her head down backwards back into the "sea". Jasper tried activating her gem weapon, but nothing came out. Her gem lit up and then… nothing.

She couldn't fight, that's right… she remembered.

She started panicking. She tried to scream, but as she gasped, her eyes widened.

What was happening to her? She could clearly feel the water get into her mouth, throat and deeper inside like it'd usually do underwater, but it felt so painful and terrifying this time. She'd never felt a thing before. What was happening? 

Jasper tried to scream again, and she winced in pain from the water's pressure inside of her, her voice muffled by the water, bubbles coming out of her mouth and floating to the surface.

"Ooohhh, that's called drowning, sweetie. Of course, as a gem, you'll never die from it no matter what you do.. but it's still funny to see you like this!" Lapis said, probably having guessed what Jasper was thinking.

The gem laughed hysterically, before pulling Jasper out of the water. Jasper coughed and gasped, panting loudly and roughly, buckets of water coming out of her mouth and disappearing back into the floor. She fell to her knees, realizing that her chains had loosened a bit, and so she brought a hand to her throat, rubbing it softly to lessen the pain a bit.

"This is my world here, Jasper. I can make you do and feel whatever I want." Lapis said somberly, moving away from the soldier.

Jasper coughed again. "W-why am I not… p-poofing..?"

Lapis giggled. "Aww, well it's because this isn't the real world, it's just what's inside my mind! I could make you feel as much pain as I'd like to, and you'd never be able to fully recover, but you'll never poof or shatter. Isn't this interesting?" Lapis said, smiling. "For a high class gem like yourself, you're pretty dumb."

Her face then became more serious, a shadow passing over her eyes 

"Jasper… Steven's gonna be coming here soon. If you try anything, you'll suffer the consequences afterwards, you know that?" she then added.

Jasper nodded, and Lapis made a fake smile. "Awww, good girl, you're very obedient today, aren't you?"

Jasper frowned. "Wha- today?"

Lapis crouched down to Jasper's level, who was still sitting down. "You're finally learning to respect me. I'm proud of you Jasper." Lapis grinned menacingly. "You better not fuck this up for me. Steven is the only one who saw that I'm okay, if you ruin his opinion of me or try to kill him, everyone will try to kill me and I'll never get to escape alone." 

Jasper nodded. There was something truly monstrous in that gem's eyes, she didn't wanna argue with her. She might have in the past. But not now. She was too terrified.

"Well, let's get ready for his arrival."

Lapis smiled innocently, snapping her fingers. A few hands came out of the water and started hitting the gem everywhere. Her face, stomach, back, arms, anywhere that it would show. Lapis groaned and gasped in pain, her delicate body flailing around as bruises appeared all over it, and then, after it was done and the hands flew back down, the gem opened her hand, pointing downwards, before lowering it. Jasper felt the ground uncover under her feet and she grunted, slowly getting pulled down in the "sea". 

"A-at least let me lay one punch on Rose!!!" The Quartz cried out, shuffling around, trying to slow down her descent.

That was her main goal after all. Not to destroy the Crystal Gems, not to escort Peridot for her mission, or whatever else she was asked to do. No. She wanted to get revenge on her late diamond who she loved so much.  _ If only she could hit that traitor Rose Quartz one last time, finally get what she wanted… _

Lapis sighed, her hand stopping for a moment in the air as she thought about it. 

"Yeah sure whatever." The gem scoffed, rolling her eyes condescendingly.

Her hand then lowered completely, and Jasper fell back in the water again. This time, however, she didn't feel like she was drowning. The feeling of safeness quickly came back, and the Quartz closed her eyes, warm tears flowing down her cheek and dissolving in the water. Her body was shaking, hurting and weak. She could barely move or defend herself anymore whenever Lapis would beat her, as if there was a weight put under her shoulders. She  _ needed _ to reform. She  _ needed _ to get out. She couldn't take it any longer. 

It hurt so much.

A high-pitched voice was heard faintly above. It sounded familiar.  _ Too familiar _ .

They sounded.. concerned. For her? No.. for Lapis. 

Suddenly, it kicked in.

_ Rose. _

In that stupid disguise as always, she guessed by the annoying voice.

Jasper waited a bit, trying to listen to their conversation. 

She frowned. _ "Did Lapis just say… I was too strong..?" _ The gem thought.  _ That… wasn't true _

Jasper's frown became more apparent as she heard Rose cry out for her to help Lapis, who then denied her help, of course. 

"Lying bitch, I bet she's not even gonna let me come out."

And as the Quartz thought that, she felt herself get pulled up from where she was. The sentiment of rage, while tainted by her weakness and her pain, was still somewhat there. She still hoped she'd be able to-

"YOU?! YOU- YOU- YOU-"

She yelled, rage filling her.

Seeing that murderer Rose Quartz right in front of her eyes, defenseless and all alone, made her speechless. She tried crawling up to her, to her surprise, with great ease. She could feel the rage get stronger. She was finally going to get revenge on that disgusting excuse for a gem.

Her movements were stopped once again, however, and Jasper looked down at her feet. Chains had wrapped around her ankles and were now pulling her down back to her hole. Jasper screamed in terror and despair, trying desperately to hold on to the liquid ground below her to try and find a grip.

_ No _ . She couldn't have been lied to again. She needed her revenge. Just  _ one _ single punch, that's all she wanted.

What was going to happen to her now?

She fell back into the water, panting heavily, staring into the distance. Was this going to be her life from now on? Eternal torment?

A rumbling sound was heard, and Lapis' head popped out of the water next to Jasper. " **We are Malachite now"** the head said in a distorted voice. Jasper gasped.  _ Were they going to come out again? Was she finally going to be free? _

She felt her body disintegrate, and a bit of hope arrived in her.  _ Maybe she'd even be able to beat Rose once and for all this time. But only if she had control… _

  
  
  


*****

  
  
  


Her fall to the ground was rough, but Jasper didn't poof. However, she felt liberation. She felt happiness. She felt safe. She was glad she didn't have to share a mind with Lapis anymore. Finally, she was free from that monster. Her wounds were no more and while she still felt a bit drained from the battle, her energy was higher than it had been before. Jasper looked up at the hole she had fallen into. It was too high to climb it, and even if she did, the earthquakes would probably make her fall again, and she couldn't risk poofing in such a dangerous place. She'd be too likely to have something fall on her before she reformed and then shatter her.

There was water flowing down through a large crack in the dirt and stone walls. Jasper made herself smaller and swam towards it, curious. It seemed it was a way out, thankfully. Jasper kept swimming, and eventually, she found herself in the sea. 

This time, however, it was the real sea. No suffocating, no water hands or chains, just the calm and quiet ocean. She knew Lapis wasn't there right now to beat her up again, she'd briefly seen the Crystal Gems grab her and bounce away as she was falling. 

They left her alone, how typical.

Jasper started walking. She didn't know exactly where the warp pads were but maybe she'd be able to find one if she kept it up.

The gem looked at the fishes, floating around her and ignoring her presence. She held up her hand to try to touch a big one, but it swam away quickly. Jasper sighed and kept walking. Eventually, a few hours after, the number of fish started getting fewer and fewer, and so Jasper assumed she was probably going too low. She jumped off the ground, sand and rocks flying everywhere with the impact of her feet, and started swimming. It didn't feel too exhausting, as she'd have guessed, it was actually a faster way if going across the ocean.

A noise above her alerted the soldier, and she looked up. A few giant blue animals were slowly swimming above her, making odd whining noise. Jasper swam away from them. She didn't know what they were exactly but seeing how big they were, even from a distance, they were probably dangerous.

She looked back at them again. There were around 5 of them in that pack, although they didn't seem bothered about it.

_ "Wouldn't they better be off alone? What if one of them turns against the other?" _

She frowned and pouted, confused. Earth was weird.

_ "They're so big and intimidating, why are they swimming all together?" _

A flash of a memory came into her mind, and Jasper stopped swimming. Her body slowly sank down in the water, her fiery locks floating above her like seaweed on a rock.

" _ Then again… I was stronger with Lapis…" _

She looked back up and kept thinking. _ "She was only trying to show me… and here I was thinking she was the bad guy…" _

She then shrugged  _ "Well, we're both a little fucked if you think about it. Maybe that's why we're so strong.." _

Emptiness started filling her heart. She wanted to go back to Lapis now. She'd show her she changed, she'd be more obedient, she'd never ignore any orders, if that meant she'd be stronger.

She could remember how they both felt so powerful as Malachite, as if it had only been a minute ago. How happy Lapis was, destroying the Crystal Gems, and how happy Jasper was feeling so much power and energy. 

She wanted to feel that again. She wanted to feel power. She needed Lapis. She was the only one who understood. The only one who could help her. The only one who could put her back in her place, make her stronger.

Jasper started swimming faster and faster. She'd eventually get to her, she'd do it. No matter how long it took her, she'd find Lapis and fuse again.

A few days passed as Jasper kept swimming. She swam through the entire sea, passing different fish and plants, swimming by a few boats and away from their giant nets, sometimes piercing a hole through them if she didn't swim away in time. 

She finally stopped. She could feel something nearby. Another gem? She looked up. A boat. She raised an eyebrow. This one wasn't moving. She could hear faint laughter coming from it.

She quickly swam up and looked inside the ship. It sounded… familiar…

The gem quickly swam back down and looked around for a way to get in the boat.

A weird hook on a rope dropped down in the water, making Jasper jump and quickly dodge it. There was a weird green paper attached to it. Jasper didn't really know what the inscriptions on it meant. There were a few drawings etched onto it, and what caught her eye was the diamond in the middle.

Jasper frowned and sighed. It looked just like her Diamond's diamond, although green instead of pink.

As she was inspecting the weird contraption, the water near the boat started rumbling. The fish that were swimming nearby started panicking, but were pulled in, floating up, as if an invisible chain was making them move.

A large portion of the water flew away from the sea, and Jasper looked at it in awe, swimming a bit more near the surface to try and get a good look.

She gasped silently. That was Lapis doing that, wasn't it? What what she doing with that water?

A scream was heard, shouting and arguing then coming off the boat. Suddenly, the ball of water splashed down back in the sea, the impact of it making Jasper float back a few meters from the boat. She swam back, and saw the hook plop back in the water. She considered it for a moment. Maybe she could try to climb it and get to Lapis. Jasper grabbed it, pulling on it a bit to test the solidity. It seemed a bit weak, but it'd do. Probably.

She wrapped her legs and placed her hands around the cord, slowly moving up. It was more difficult than she had anticipated, considering she was in water and everything kept moving. She was only a few centimeters away from the surface, when suddenly she felt herself get thrown back, the cord loosening and falling along with her an attached piece of a broken stick. The contraption probably broke. "Dammit, guess I'll have to climb myself somehow. But first, I'll need to make sure they don't get away."

Jasper swam under the boat and looked around for an entrance of some sort. She found a weird trap door and went through it quickly. Loud rumbling and metallic sounds were heard as soon as she entered the room.

It seemed she had found the engine, judging by the sounds and how the thing looked. Jasper tightened her fist, punching a few parts of the machine, until thick black smoke came out of them. She then quickly got out, and swam back to the side of the boat, but as she was about to jump, she stopped. Should she actually do this? Lapis had been rather harsh on her before. Jasper remembered just how terrified she would get sometimes, how brutal and cruel Lapis' punishments were. Going back would also mean going back to that, wouldn't it..?

But then again, didn't she deserve all of this? That was the only thing Lapis had, she probably needed to do this, maybe it was her way if feeling strong.

If it was the thing she'd have to go back to again to fuse, then Jasper was ready for it. The gem sighed and looked around, trying to find another way up the boat.

She found a big chain that seemed to be coming up to the boat, and so she grabbed it, quickly pulling herself up. The fear and anger that was there slowly melted away and was replaced with excitement and anticipation the closer she got to the surface. She'd finally be able to see Lapis again. They'd be able to fuse again. Finally… she would be stronger…

Jasper jumped on the boat, making it sway violently with her weight. Rose Quartz was there too, but Jasper couldn't care less right now. All she wanted was to talk to Lapis.

"Finally…" Jasper smiled, hearing lighting behind her, oddly enough emphasizing the burning emotions inside of her. Rose and Lapis looked scared.  _ "She's still acting like this, huh?"  _ Jasper thought.

"I thought I'd never catch up to you!" She then added happily. Her breathing was fast-paced and uneven, she could barely contain herself. After all this time spent alone, she'd finally found Lapis again.

"You've been following us??" Lapis said in that fake annoying damsel in distress voice she always used with Rose Quartz.

"I've been following _you!"_ Jasper answered. How could Lapis not have seen this coming? Unless she'd been planning on this all along and was simply putting on an act like usually.

Rose Quartz made her shield appear and ran in front of Lapis, extending her arm to try and protect the gem.

"Stay back!" the small gem said. Jasper groaned internally. She then laughed. "This dulled-down version of Rose Quartz works for you now?" She smirked. Did Rose get this naive in only a few thousand years? "You're pointing that shield the wrong way,  _ she's  _ the one you should be afraid of!" Jasper told her. Rose seemed confused. She really didn't realize?

"That's not true…" Lapis said softly. 

Jasper frowned. Why was she so bent down on lying like this? "You can't lie to  _ me.  _ I've seen what you're capable of! I thought I was a brute, but you…" she paused. Maybe one insult wouldn't be so bad, after all she needed to get that out, and well… calling her that wasn't really lying…

"You're a  _ monster _ ." Jasper then said.

Lapis made a shocked expression and looked down in with a shameful look on her face.

"Lapis doesn't want anything to do with you!!" Rose exclaimed. Jasper was starting to get really annoyed by that gem. What was her problem? Why couldn't she just let them be?

The soldier took a step forward and pushed Rose Quartz away, before looking at Lapis. The gem ran to see her companion, but Jasper grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She dropped to her knees, placing both of her hands around Lapis'.

"Let's be Malachite again!" 

Thunder roared in the distance and Lapis stared at the Quartz soldier.

"Why… would you want that???" She then asked. Jasper was a bit confused, after all, wouldn't Lapis be happy to fuse again? But she answered nonetheless. 

"I was wrong about fusion...you made me understand!" The gem said, smiling. "Malachite was bigger and stronger than both of us!! We could fly!" She then added.

Lapis didn't say anything and simply looked away.

Rose Quartz yelled at Lapis to not listen, and Jasper moved back up, turning her head around in anger. "Stay out of this!"

Lapis moved her head down. "I was terrible to you… I liked taking everything out of you, I needed to- I-I hated you!!" She moved a hand to her face. "It was bad!"

Jasper was starting to panic. She didn't want to fuse? Why??? She couldn't understand… why did she do all of this to her then? Was everything she did meaningless? Why would she…

"It'll be better this time! I've changed! You've changed me!" She took a few steps forward. "I'm the only one who can handle your kind of power!!" She smiled, but more hesitantly this time. She could feel like Lapis was trying to hide something, like she was trying to say no, even if it looked like she wanted to say yes. "Together we'll be unstoppable!"

Lapis looked down, and then at Rose Quartz. 

"No."

"What??" Jasper said

"What we had wasn't healthy! I never wanna feel like I felt with you! Never again!" Lapis said.

Jasper couldn't believe it. Why was she refusing like that. Why was she painting her as the bad guy? That gem was the one who did all these bad things to her, why was she acting like this?

"Just go!!" Lapis then added.

Jasper was both confused, scared and furious. "L-Lapis!?" Why was she refusing… she thought Lapis wanted to fuse, Jasper didn't understand.

"She said no, leave her alone!!" Rose Quartz exclaimed, getting back up and running back closer to the two gems. Jasper turned around and looked at her. Rose Quartz did this, didn't she? She forced Lapis to say no… she made her do this. She was always the one at fault, the one destroying everything she had. Just like she did back then.

"This is your fault! I'LL SHATTER YOU!!" Jasper screamed out as she started to run towards the smaller gem. She had destroyed the only relationship she had, with the only gem that could understand her. She took away everyth-

Water pulled Jasper up, hitting her back and making her fly in the air. She spun around, seeing the boat from so far away get smaller and smaller. 

Lapis has thrown her away...

And to think that for a moment she hoped that maybe she wouldn't hurt her anymore…

Jasper fell back into the sea in a heavy splash, the water flowing up and then back down. She simply let herself sink as she processed the events. 

_ Lapis… _

She had sacrificed so much just to see her again, and then she threw her away like she didn't care at all. Jasper was mad and confused. She could feel tears flow off her eyes and mix with the salty water of the ocean. She felt betrayed. It hurt so much. She just… couldn't understand…

_ Why. Why would she do this to her…? _

A pit of rage grew a little bigger in her, a name popping back in her mind. 

_ "Rose Quartz.." _

She snarled, her eyebrows furrowing as she bared her teeth in anger.  _ "She took her away from me.. she took everything away from me…" _

And now she was going to pay for it. Jasper didn't know how yet, but she'd find a way.

The gem's feet hit the bottom of the sea. It was quiet in there, and dark. Jasper sat down, her legs crossed, and thought for a moment.

After a few minutes, an idea suddenly sparked into her mind. 

_ "An army.. if I can make an army… I'll be able to overpower Rose and her lackeys.." _

Jasper's gem lit up and she stood up, grinning. That was a good plan. Now she simply had to know who she'd get in that army…

  
  
  
  


THE END

**Author's Note:**

> So uh yeah I maaaayyy be a bit biased when it comes to this. Lapis has always kinda reminded me of my own past abusers and so I kinda sorta hate her and how the show treats her. I wanted to show a different perspective from the typical "Lapis is being abused by Jasper, the only reason she fought back was as self-defense" POV or anything like that. I rly do wish Lapis had been written better and more realistically. I also do wish the other characters (and the fandom) would stop worshipping her despite everyone knowing she did bad things. So yeah this fanfic is like a lil vent too. Hope you enjoyed, and if you didn't, well, uhm... That's ok too I guess :3


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